I’ve learned a lot about myself recently. One of the things I have learned is that I am a huge people pleaser. While it certainly can be nice to do things to make others happy, excessive people pleasing is neglecting oneself completely.
After realizing how detrimental sacrificing myself to satisfy others was, I began working towards getting back in touch with myself. I am a big believer in self love (and you will likely read more about that in future posts) and I fully support putting yourself first.
Why should you put yourself first?
It is impossible to please everyone.
There was no way I could be everything to everyone. I would be trying to text someone all day to keep her entertained, while I was out with someone who wanted me to join her at a movie, while thinking about the things someone else wanted me to have completed by the time he felt it should be completed! By trying to be everything to everyone I ended up spreading myself too thin and all of these people felt I was neglecting them– the exact opposite of my intention.
People pleasing can disconnect one from oneself
As a people pleaser, I wanted to keep everyone happy above all else. That became my desire. But what did I actually want? Meaning, if they weren’t people expecting things of me and if I didn’t have the desire to satisfy them all, what would I be doing? I lost myself for a while, but I have had a blast finding myself again.
People pleasing can result in a miserable life
We all have things we have to do (like working or going to school). But the time we have to ourselves should be spent doing things we enjoy. At my worst, I was so insistent on keeping everyone around me happy that I would go an entire day doing nothing I actually wanted. Perhaps losing one day is something that can be overlooked, but when people pleasing takes over, days can turn to weeks and weeks can turn to months. Too much time was spent with me being unhappy, because I was putting the wants of others above my own.
Honestly, by doing things that make me happy, I have found that my life is so much richer than when I was trying to be everything to every one.
Do you consider yourself a people pleaser? Do you have any advice to share? Comment below!